dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
