I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
