You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
