Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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