She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
