you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
