I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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