Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
