so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
