i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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