guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Randomize
