so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
