then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
