Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
