I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
