TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
