we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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