May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
