you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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