New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
