Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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