So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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