ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
