Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I need to calm my uterus...
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
