Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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