I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Please don't give away my fajitas
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