Rock
Scissors
Fuck
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Dignity is for republicans.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
