I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
