oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
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