It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize