I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
