We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
