i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Randomize
