Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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