You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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