But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize