Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
