shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
