I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Farmville is her only friend.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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