I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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