She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
