Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
