I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize