Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
