is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
