I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
