I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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