the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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