he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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