somebody snuck up and got me drunk
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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