Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
