Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
