Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
