would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
