Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
