There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize