I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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