i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
