I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
