I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize