please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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