just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
