There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
