I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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