My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
