I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
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