i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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