shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Randomize
