Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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