i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
