Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
