Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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