I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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