CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
