I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
