she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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