I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize