Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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