Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
