I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Hippo gnu deer
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
