we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
