I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize