if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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