Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
