He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Randomize
