I hate all girls vehemently.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Randomize