"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
