That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
