I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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