Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
the condom got lost in my hair
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
